Car jokes
What is an orphan's favorite car?
A family car.
Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.
If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.
What do you call Hitler speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
What's the difference between a car and a car?
I have absolutely no idea, sorry.
When you hear your momβs car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
Stig
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
What's the difference between a brand new Oldsmobile and a brand new Raping?
...Rape.
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.
"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"
So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, βIβm not happy.β
I said, βWell, which one are you then?β
Why do the orphans fuck in their cars?
Because they don't know what a home is.
Why is Paul Walker a walker?
To let people know he isn't a driver.
I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.
A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.
I didnβt know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.