Cant jokes
Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?
Because there’s a bartender in there.
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
Why can't science be combined with religion?
Because science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?
He can’t walkie or talkie.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They ain't got no home to run to.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Why can't Americans play chess? They have no towers.
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
Why can’t English people play chess? They ain't got no queen.
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?
Your mom can't take a joke.
What words black people can't say? "Thanks for your help, officer."
Why are Asians good at math?
Because the dog can’t eat their homework.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.