Cant jokes
Nah! You're so poor, you can't afford free stuff!
Why can't the USA and England play chess?
USA has no towers and England has no queen.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.
Why can’t orphans live?
They don’t have parents.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
Why can’t orphans eat breakfast? Because there is no parent to feed them.
Why can't orphans buy chips?
Because they're family sized!
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.
Why can't orphan kids play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Why can't I drink tea??
Because I laugh too much. TEEEEEHEHEEE
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have nobody to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
Answer: They don’t know where home is.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."