Cant jokes

I sit because I can't stand you.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

They don’t know where home is.

We’re so poor, we can’t even afford free stuff.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.

After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.

The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"

The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?

Nothing because they can't open the gift.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they don't know where home is.

How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.

Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.

What's the difference between a fish and a car?

You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3

An orphan finds a genie.

Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."

Genie: "Of course."

Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."

Genie: "Done."

Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"

Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"

Cow: *can't be milked for 20 years*

9/11:

The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.

Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.

"SCOOT WANT TAXI!" Ok, maybe I do but can't make it there because yo mama is so fat he can't hear me on the other side.

You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.

What's yellow all over and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.

About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.

About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"

Why can't orphans have sex?

They don't know who daddy is.

What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.

Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Suck a big dick.