Cant jokes
If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?
A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
Why can’t orphans eat a big bag of chips?
They are family sized.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is...
I sit because I can't stand you.
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
Wow, I can't believe you'd take the time to read this!
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
What does a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.
An orphan finds a genie.
Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."
Genie: "Of course."
Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."
Genie: "Done."
Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"
Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
Cow: *can't be milked for 20 years*
9/11:
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
"SCOOT WANT TAXI!" Ok, maybe I do but can't make it there because yo mama is so fat he can't hear me on the other side.