Cant jokes
Why can't gay men be handymen?
Because they'll be caulk fighting on the job.
Why do dictators always eat without leaving anything on the plate?
Because they can't leave a piece (peace).
All these showstoppers and technical challenges and I still can't get your signature.
All these wraps and you still can't beatbox.
The plane crashed. There are 5 seats in Bordeaux and usually 4 parachute seats.
The first song goes: "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best player in the world, so fly with the first helmet."
One of Ivanka Trump's former supporters said: "I was the US President's teacher." And take an umbrella and fly.
Former US Secretary of State Donald Trump said: "I am the President of the United States. I am the president of the United States of America, not responsible to the people. Design our package and jump."
"I'm glad," said the next passenger, Popstag, as he approached. Then the boy explained: "I still can't see anyone's problem. The President of the United States is in my bag..."
What's the best part about getting a lap dance from an Asian woman?
Her eyes are so narrow that she can't see if you don't pay her.
Why can't an orphan ever play baseball?
Because they never found home.
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. What happened to freedom of speech?
What’s the difference between jam and marmalade?
I can’t marmalade my cock into your mum’s arse.
Why can’t a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Because their focus is way off.
Why does everyone think Stephen Hawking is drunk?
Because he can't even walk.
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
What idiot said to Stephen Hawking, "You can't run before you can walk"?
Which is the odd one out? FISH, SNAKE, STEPHEN HAWKING, HORSE.
Horse, of course — the rest can't walk.
What shoe size is Stephen Hawking?
It doesn't matter—he can't walk anyway.
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.
Why can’t Kurt Cobain ride in the passenger seat?
Because he doesn’t like when someone calls "shotgun!"
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a police officer?
Because he can't use a walkie-talkie.
Why did Sally stay in school?
Because she has no arms, she can’t open the door, and the teacher left!
What does a kid at Epstein Island and MAGA supporters have in common?
They both can't get Trump's dick out of their mouth.