Can jokes
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
"Back To The Future"-Doc: You can time travel to anytime in HISTORY, Marty, but NEVER go to the year 2021.....
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!
That forehead is so tall it can eat a plane! Open wide!
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
Worstjokesever Technical Support is speaking here, what can i do for you?
Caution: Looking at your hairline can cause you to be delirious and have hallucinations.
What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?
One you can unscrew.
"Can we do 69?"
"How about 9/11 because we're going to crash tonight?"
What do you call a school that can talk?
A school with a face!
Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?
The knee caps.
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.
He can tell the future.
I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.