Can jokes

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.

What's the difference between a frog and a skyscraper? The frog can jump. Hahahahaha!

What kind of cake can an orphan not have?

Homemade.

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?

One you can unscrew.

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.

Can you guys comment on my nuts jokes (aka Willma, Bofa, and Savor)? I just want to see if people don't think it's funny.

What is the difference between a house and a car? A car can drive and a house can not drive.

A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.

The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.

Why do orphans become hookers?

'Cause they can call someone "daddy."

See, I was always told puns are funny.

But I can see now they aren't punny.

"Hey Kenya, can we talk please!"

Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?

I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.

Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?

Because all they can do is mandate.

People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.

Where do you think all the orphans went?

In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."