Can

Can Jokes

Broccoli says" I look like a tree" Walnut says "I look like a brain", Cashew says "I look like a kidney", Banana says "can we change the topic please? "

Can all the hot depressed, suicidal, guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we r. For real

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit, he slams on his brakes, gets out and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired. A passing car slams on it’s brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny pulls out an aerosol can and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The Bunny jumps up runs a few feet, then stops, turns around and waves it’s paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight. The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says “Wow that is amazing, what is in that can” the man looks at the can and reads the label “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave”.

son: can i go to my friends mum? mum: no! son: dad was right i am a son of a bitch! mum: bad news but your adopted!!

Why do nuns walk in groups?. So one “ nun” can keep an eye on the other “ nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting “ nun”.