Can jokes
DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.
They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.
how fun
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.
Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”
“Under my bench,” he replies.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.
Are your hands feeling heavy? Because I can hold them for you.