Can jokes
Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
Can you tell me the real answer to this joke?
What do you call a drone that takes the long way around?
What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?
Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)
Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
My friend talking to fat boi: "I can order you at McDonald's: Double Big Mac, triple quarter pounder cheeseburger."
Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
My friend is blind so he can "no see."
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.
If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.
I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.
Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!
Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to piss.
"Billy, we don't say piss. We say urinate. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Miss Drake."
"Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."
"Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a ten."
If per capita is an issue, decapita can be arranged.
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
What day can you have sex on?
Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.
How can you tell if a gay guy has a high sperm count?
Chew when you swallow!