Can jokes
Why can’t you sell nans, but you can sell zebras?
I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...
I'm bored so can y'all ask me some questions and I have to answer them?
When you don't wear earrings for a long time, the hole can close, and it hurts so much when you want to put it back. 🙄🙄 😁😁😁🤣
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
Pro tip kids, you CAN hit an orphan because they can't cry to their parents!
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?
A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.
I call this my great talk with Siri.
Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.
Siri: My mother? Huh?
Me: Did I stutter?
Siri: Interesting question.
Me: It wasn’t a question.
Siri: I’m not sure I understand?
Me: You should understand.
Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?
Me: No, you b***.
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
The only thing they can see are their chopsticks.
Which country can swim?
Finland. Get it? Fin Land?
Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.
Your forehead is so big you can land a jumbo jet on it.
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
Did you know penguins can fly if you throw them hard enough? Just like children!
Grass is green. I am the queen. If only I can see you scream on the screen.
Things that rhyme with green, queen, screen: clean, between, been, ...
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.
Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶
Can you f**k out of here?
Karen says:
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.