Can jokes

It looks like Will Smith slapped your hairline so hard that the dinosaurs can see it now.

9/11

This is so sad, can we hit 50 likes?!

Why do orphans never use other people's Wi-Fi?

So they can be connected.

Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?

A: It means cats and dogs can talk.

What’s the comparison of an emo and a highlighter?

You can pop their head off.

I give bubblegum to the homeless so they can chew it and still be hungry.

Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.

You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

What do you call a disabled person that can walk?

Enabled.

After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"

The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.

"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.

The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"

Even your mother can never fix your hairline, just God.

Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.

Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”

Person #2: “No, you can have it.”

Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”

Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.

Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”

Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...

Orphans can't call their parents if they get hurt! Sorry.🩹

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

100% of blind people in Africa can't see. Together, we can stop this.