Can jokes

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.

Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!

What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)

It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

Why does Trump play Minecraft?

'Cause he can build walls.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

Stephen Hawking can pass any test, but there's one test he can't pass. It is the PACER test.

Hey Ryan, what do you call a wall so large no man can conquer?

Answer: Ryan's forehead.

So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.

I'm sorry, but I can only process text. Please provide the joke as text.

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

Why can’t you sell nans, but you can sell zebras?

I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...

I'm bored so can y'all ask me some questions and I have to answer them?

When you don't wear earrings for a long time, the hole can close, and it hurts so much when you want to put it back. 🙄🙄 😁😁😁🤣

I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.