Call jokes
Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!
What do you call my friends?...
Short.
What do you call 2 spies fucking?
Undercover.
I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
What do you call the bell at the Asian restaurant?
I'm ta ping it, some ting won.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.
Dad: What's boofa?
Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a mix of nuts, bolts, and my ex?
A roTHOT.
What do you call a crease join?
Hahaha
What do you call a dinosaur that can’t eat?
Anarexic.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.