Call jokes

What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.

What do you call an Islamic LGBT member? A Gaylism.

What do you call a Jedi teacher who lives in a forest?

Obi-Wan Canopy

What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.

We shouldn't call gay guys "fucking cunts" because they aren't fucking cunts, they're fucking assholes.

What do you call a group of Daveons? A "daveon-ation."

What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?

A mathive dick.

What do you call a black couple who's on welfare and food stamps?

Lay-Z and Freeyonce.

What do you call an Irish lesbian?

A Gaelic.

What do you call a kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.

I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?

Call her on the phone.

What do you call a Spanish footballer without legs?

Gracias.

What's blue and bad for your teeth?

A green brick that's painted blue after the original paint dries (it takes a little while to dry), but after it dries you can paint it and then it will be green. If the brick is green it is called a green brick as it is green (not blue anymore) and it hurts your teeth because brick is a hard material that can damage the bones in your mouth (also known as your teeth).

Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.

He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.

When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.

It happened too fast, he watched the very last.

Next he died, eaten all fried.

What do you call a man with no legs?

Neil (kneel)

What do you call Mexicans running down a hill?

Sandstorm.

Call me Kobe Bryant, cause I'm gonna helicopter out of this one.