But jokes

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but he couldn’t stand up?

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.

Haha, I fucked you over!

I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

It’s true women do make less money than men.

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

What has eyes but can't see?

Potatoes, storms, and needles.

Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.

You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.