But jokes

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.

You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.

It’s true women do make less money than men.

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but he couldn’t stand up?

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.

We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"

Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡

I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.

Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?

Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

I wanted another piece of pizza... but she said I could only have One Piece.