But jokes

I would try to stop rapists, but force would be an option for it.

My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.

I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.

But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

Why were the Twin Towers angry?

They ordered pepperoni, but they only got plane.

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"

I'd make a masturbation joke.

But they always get out of hand.

How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

One day I went to smoke weed with some Mexicans, but they ran away when I asked if they had papers.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.

Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.

I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.

When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,

but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.

*Is honestly the best policy.*

There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved

What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?

They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.

When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!

I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,

but I never realized they suited me.

My hips can't move, but Heineken.

I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.