Business jokes
I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.
What was OceanGate's biggest regret?
Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.
Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?
He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.
Why do orphans hate Costco? Because they can't get in and try the free samples.
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they get a corner, they open up a shop.
oh my
What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?
It becomes a flee market.
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they take a corner, they open up a shop.
Like if you laugh.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"
Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
What’s long and black?
The line at KFC.
You think you're funny? Look at your hairline; it looks like a McDonald's sample.
No wonder some of the phones today have no home buttons.
The makers were orphans.
What is an orphan's favorite store? Home Depot.
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!