Business jokes

Why don't Indians play soccer?

Because every time they take a corner, they open up a shop.

Why doesn't Iran have any Walmarts?

Because they have a Target at every corner.

Why don't Indians play soccer?

Because every time they get a corner, they open up a shop.

Like if you laugh.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"

Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.

You think you're funny? Look at your hairline; it looks like a McDonald's sample.

What’s long and black?

The line at KFC.

Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

Or,

"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?

We’re wiped out!

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?

Good food, but no atmosphere.

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."

The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!

The teacher asked a young boy in primary school, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

To which the boy replies, "No."

The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.

At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

"Shut up," she replied.

The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks, "Can you teach me the alphabet?"

But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.

But his brother is singing, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.

But his sister is singing, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.

The boy replies, "Shut up."

"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."

The boy replies, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

In the office, the principal says, "Who do you think you are?"

The boy replies, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The principal now says, "How do you think you'll get away with this?"

The boy then replies, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!