Business jokes
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they get a corner, they open up a shop.
Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"
You think you're funny? Look at your hairline; it looks like a McDonald's sample.
What’s long and black?
The line at KFC.
Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?
He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
No wonder some of the phones today have no home buttons.
The makers were orphans.
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"
I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.
What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?
It becomes a flee market.
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
What was OceanGate's biggest regret?
Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"