Business jokes

Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?

He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.

Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.

Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.

Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.

Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.

Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.

Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.

Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.

Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)

Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.

Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.

Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.

Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.

Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.

So it is women who have more rights.

So shut up, feminists, please.

I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.

I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"

Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:

"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.

What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?

McBongald's.

A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”

Why can't Mexicans play Uno? Because they're too busy stealing all the green cards.

Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.

Why can’t orphans work at AC Johnson’s?

Because it’s a family company.

Where does cotton candy come from? The cotton pickers!

Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?

He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.

The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.

What’s one store an orphan can’t shop at?

HomeGoods ;)

Why can’t orphans go to McDonald’s? It’s a family company.

A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.

Why can’t orphans order from Costa?

They need a parent or guardian with them.

Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.