Business jokes
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
What is Michael Jordan's favorite coffee place? Dunkin' Donuts.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
To make some DOUGH on the side.
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?
I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
What did Warner Brothers get for making that horrible Joker sequel?
They got what they fucking deserved!!!!!!!!
A Mexican opens a pharmacy in CA. What’s he selling?
Drugs.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
Why does Samsung sell TVs? 'Cause they make them! 😂🤣
What's the difference between a CEO and licorice?
The licorice is black.