Business jokes
Why can’t orphans work at AC Johnson’s?
Because it’s a family company.
A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.
Why can’t orphans go to McDonald’s? It’s a family company.
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?
He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.
What’s one store an orphan can’t shop at?
HomeGoods ;)
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
Why can’t orphans order from Costa?
They need a parent or guardian with them.
Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno? Because they're too busy stealing all the green cards.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
What’s the difference a hooker an a drug dealer...?? A hooker can wash her crack an resell it.
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.
MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
A fat man coming in the store.
Waiter: Oh god, not again :|
Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.
Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?
Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."