Business jokes
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?
Answer: Insider trading.
Pineapple turnover.
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
I went to a truck on wheels, they said, "Wheel feed you."
What did the HP say to a Dell?
Hello!
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
Can't be bothered with jokes, me and Syd Drake f**k 24/7.
The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.
Why did the chicken nugget cross the road?
To get cooked by KFC.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
Why don't Pakis play football? Every time they get a corner, they build a shop.
We gotta work ahead, people!
You're so poor not even Dollar Tree has your prices.
Why do orphans prefer IKEA to the Home Depot?
Because the Home Depot provides supplies for *a* home. IKEA just provides furniture.
What do you call a Panera Bread after vanishing?
Panera Fade.
I'm starting a clown shoe store.
It's no small feat! :oD
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Jay-Z and B.