Business jokes
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
Can orphans eat at family restaurants?
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
Me when the underpaid cinema worker says he doesn't want to clean up this mess
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?
People actually want stuff in a supermarket.
Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!
Why can't orphans open a family business?
Because there is no family.
"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."
-Al Nassr owner
You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
In Israel, they don't have Walmarts; they only have Targets.
Why did the Romans build straight roads? So the Pakis (bastards) didn't build corner shops.
What kind of trumpet are you playing?
An "Donald Trumpet"!
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.