Business jokes

In Israel, they don't have Walmarts; they only have Targets.

I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.

He one day said his business was "remarkable."

My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.

Well, because it's impastable.

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

Thanks for coming!

What kind of trumpet are you playing?

An "Donald Trumpet"!

The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.

What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse.

An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.

Why did the prostitute lose all her money?

Because she got f*cked.

Don’t fart in an Apple Store.

It has no Windows.

A boy asks his father:

"What is politics?"

Father answers:

"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.

Our maid is the working class.

Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."

The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.

Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.

The next day his father asks him:

"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"

The boy says:

"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!

Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."

What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?

He ordered some cock-bang-ho.

A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.

Why did the Indian cross the road?

Because he opened a corner shop on the other side.

What did the watch say to the failing watch company?

"You better watch it!"

What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?

KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.

What's the difference between a CEO and licorice?

The licorice is black.