Business jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
Donald Trump has been banned from Panera.
Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson’s?
Because it’s a family company.
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says...
"Why the long face?"
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.
Probably top.
Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."
It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.
What kind of mask are you wearing?
An Elon Musk!
"Welcome to Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last week's loss is this week's sauce."
What did Elon Musk do after sacking half of Twitter employees?
Raped an eight-year-old girl.
I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
What do you call security outside a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"