A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."
What kind of mask are you wearing?
An Elon Musk!
Why did the Indian cross the road?
Because he opened a corner shop on the other side.
It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.
"Welcome to Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last week's loss is this week's sauce."
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."
What do you call security outside a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
Arby's fast food and abortion clinic: Your dead babies are our taters and gravy.
The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
What kind of trumpet are you playing?
An "Donald Trumpet"!
Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
