Broken jokes
š The Broken Family š . Part 1
Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.
Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)
Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.
Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)
Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.
Mom: But what he did was wrong.
Girl: I know.
(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)
Mom: Is that ur dad.
Girl: Yes Mom
Comment Part 2
Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"
To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."
Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."
The police said "How old are you?"
Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
If I was an object in this world, Iād be a glass! Because if you leave me when Iām too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
Iām a star! Because one of these days, Iām going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, Iād be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
Iām like the sun; Iām painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
Iām like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, Iād be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
Iām like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because itās dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
Iām like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
Iām like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
Iām like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
Iām like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
Iām like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that canāt afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me...
What has to be broken before you can use it?
Answer: An egg.
What are the similarities between a broken tire and me?
We were both caused by broken rubber.
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
What's the sound that dwarfs make when they have sex?
Broken plates.
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
Throw a plate.
Itās broken, right?
Say āsorryā to it.
Did it fix back?
No... thatās the same thing you did to me :)
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
A broken pencil tried to break the laws of physics. It wasn't very sharp.
Do I sit broken-hearted?
I came to sh*t and only farted.
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
When I was on the Titanic, I got broken.
A delivery service called āRoss Deliveriesā was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?
I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...