Broken jokes
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?
Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. 😁
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?
The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.