Broke jokes

What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?

You would be dam unlucky.

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.

The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

Lord: "My dog died?!"

Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.