Body jokes
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?
Matt!
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.
I heard that your forehead is so big that you could build a neighborhood on it.
Memes
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"
What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't coming.
Yo mama so fat it took Nationwide three years to get on her good side.
Nobody knows how bad you smell.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
Why can't your nose be twelve inches?
Because then it would be a foot.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not Susie!"
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
What does the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
Don't you feel an empty feeling...
IN YOUR SKULL!
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?