Body jokes
My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"
What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't coming.
Why can't your nose be twelve inches?
Because then it would be a foot.
Don't you feel an empty feeling...
IN YOUR SKULL!
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
Q: What do you call a little girl without arms and legs?
A: Names.
What has a bottom at the top?
Your legs.
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
Do you know Candice?
Candice dick fit in your mouth!
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He could feel it in his bones!
There's something on your chin, no, the third one down.
Man, Uranus is so big!
Women be like, "Don't body shame," then goes to body shame men's heights.
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.
He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
Why do midgets run on balls?
Because the grass tickles them.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.