Body jokes

Women be like, "Don't body shame," then goes to body shame men's heights.

Hey.

Girl: Hey.

Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.

Girl: What?

It says "spray on flat surfaces."

My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.

Guess what.

What?

Your mum saw your 1 inch.

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.

Why do midgets run on balls?

Because the grass tickles them.

Yo mama so fat, they had to give her a license plate.

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

Man, Uranus is so big!

What did the nose say to the finger?

"Stop picking me!"

When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.

Do you know Candice?

Candice dick fit in your mouth!

What has a bottom at the top?

Your legs.

Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?

Pretty nuts!

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.