Body jokes
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
There's something on your chin, no, the third one down.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
Why do midgets run on balls?
Because the grass tickles them.
Women be like, "Don't body shame," then goes to body shame men's heights.
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.
He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.
Guess what.
What?
Your mum saw your 1 inch.
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
Do you know Candice?
Candice dick fit in your mouth!
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He could feel it in his bones!
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.
Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
Man, Uranus is so big!
I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.
Yo mama so fat, they had to give her a license plate.