Body jokes

My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?

A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.

What has a bottom at the top?

Your legs.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Man, Uranus is so big!

Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

Why do midgets run on balls?

Because the grass tickles them.

The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.

He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

Hey.

Girl: Hey.

Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.

Girl: What?

It says "spray on flat surfaces."

Women be like, "Don't body shame," then goes to body shame men's heights.

Guess what.

What?

Your mum saw your 1 inch.

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.

My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

He could feel it in his bones!

Yo mama so fat, they had to give her a license plate.

What did the nose say to the finger?

"Stop picking me!"

When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.