Body jokes

If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

When I aim this trigger, it all goes red.

Do you have a bounty 'cause you got a "M" on your head?

What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

Pussy, no pussy.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

I have the biggest balls; you have wobbles.

My arm: "I'M GETTING RIPPED TONIGHT!"

I just had sex...

I think I nailed it!

(Shit joke, I know.)

If you can’t touch your brain or see your brain, you don’t have a brain?

Yo mama is so fat, she turned all the mermaids to fishes!

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess.

His family is nuts.

His neighbor is an asshole.

His best friend is a pussy.

And his owner beats him.

Yo momma is so old, she farts dust!

Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?

To separate the meat section from the dairy section.

What is the definition of a woman?

A life support system for a vagina.

What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?

"Hi-five!"

Lol, I have a teeny black dick.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!

"I need to go to the doctor!"

"Why?"

"It has a crack in it."

Your mom uses the equator as a belt.