Body jokes

Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

Your mom is fat.

Oooo, roasted!

My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

How can you tell if your sister is on her period?

Your father's dick tastes funny.

Gay sex is a real pain in the ass.

Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?

A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."

Boner.

What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.

Why does the nucleus feel trapped?

Because it’s inside a cell!

They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the ground.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...

Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

Is buttcheeks one word?

Or should I spread them?

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"