Body jokes
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?
His ears.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
I have no toes, so I put blood on my foot, and then my other foot got run over, so, ye.
Are you wearing a diaper? Because your butt looks so saggy.
Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?
Because they got little dicks and big mouths.
What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.
Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.
Your butt is so fat, I can remove 90% of beauty with a tissue.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"
Wanking.
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?
My dick.
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"
Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".