Board jokes
What's missing in an orphanage computer?
"The motherboard."
There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.
Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"
"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."
"Why not?"
"He keeps peeing in the pool."
"Well, all kids pee in the pool."
"Not from the diving board!"
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.
Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
Why was Jesus Christ cut from the hockey team?
He kept getting nailed to the boards.
Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?
Myla: I went to a restaurant.
Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?
Timmy: I went to a concert.
Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?
Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.
How do orphans have a family reunion?
They use a Ouija board.
You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?
All of them are married!
"We got a number one victory royale, yeah Fortnite we boutta get down! Get down! Ten kills on the board right now, just wiped out tomato town! My friend's gone down, I revived him now we're heading southbound! Now we're in the pleasant park street, look at the map, go to the marked sheet!"
Chess board White: right Black: left Yellow: invading
The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."