Blonde jokes
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
"What's the capital of Texas?" said the brown hair.
"T," said the blonde.
What do you get if you cross Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? A blonde n1gger cunt.
Q: What do you call a blonde with only two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
What did the blond say about the new iPhone?
Krabby Patty jizz sandwich.
Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
Question: Why did the blonde get excited after finishing a puzzle in 5 months?
Answer: The box said 3-5 years!
If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
How do you tell if a blond is really stupid?
Put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod.
What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?
Womxn
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice?
Because it said "concentration camp."
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
To make up her mind.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"
Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
The lady says, "Come again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.
Q: What do a blond girl and a tornado have in common? A: There's a lot of blowing and sucking, then you lose your house.