Blonde jokes
What do blonde chicks and Asians have in common?
They both drive with their blinker on.
What's the difference between a blonde chick and Alzheimer's?
None, because they both forget a lot.
How do you make a blonde girl stop screaming in bed? Pull out of her.
Three girls were lined up for execution. The black-haired one, being the smart one, turned around and yelled, "Tornado!"
Everyone panicked, and she escaped. The red-headed one, following her example, shouted as the executioners got back, "Hurricane!"
The red-headed friend escaped too. Now, it was the blonde's turn. Following both her friends, she turned to the executioners and yelled:
"Fire!"
How To Kill A Blonde 101:
First Step: Get a pool.
Second Step: Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom.
What do a man and a blonde do in bed?
Sleep!
Two blonde girls find a beautiful Christmas tree in the woods.
After two hours, someone said, "We found a tree without bark!"
Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
She thought it was diet coke.
What do you call a blonde girl standing on her hands?
A brunette with bad breath.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.
The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.
The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night?
Hanson.
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
What do you call two brunettes and a blonde in the NFL?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver!
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?
Because it said, "Focus."