New Blonde Jokes

How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead? She unlocks the handcuffs.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore, she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night?

Hanson.

A blind man walks into a woman’s bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says before you tell your joke you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols, do you still want to tell that joke cowboy. He thought for a second and said not if I have to explain it five times.

Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs They hate it when you hand it to them

How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.

How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.

How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.

What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence

A girls walks into an Adult Store. "Hi I want to buy that Red Dildo right there"

Cashier: that's a Fire Extinguisher you whore"

What do you call two brunettes and a blonde in the NFL? Two tight ends and a wide receiver!

Why did the blonde stare at the Ford? Because it said, Focus

What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked? “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police. She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?” The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?” The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”

What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette? Your camera.

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar. They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements. The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.” The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.” The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”

Why do Blondes never suffer from headaches? No brain no pain.

A blonde, a brunette, and redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.

Blonde starts new job at local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.... The gentleman has a good look round before saying to the blonde 'it looks perfect....But Cargo space?' To which she instantly replied 'Oh I'm Sorry sir, Car only for road.