Blind jokes

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"

I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

You're so bald, the reflection off your head is blinding people in India.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.

You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.

Phobos and Deimos are just asteroids in moon costumes, and Mars was blind due to its frequent sandstorms, so it let Phobos and Deimos be its moons.

How do you spot a blind man in a nudist resort?

It's not hard.

What do an emo girl and a blind girl have in common?

Black is their favorite color.

What do you call an Asian, a blind man, and a very bad driver?

What does the dumb kid say to the blind kid?

"Long time no see!"

Why do blind kids like plane crashes?

Because you can’t dislike what you have never seen.

Have you met Bofa?

Bofa deez blind kids!

Why can’t blind people eat fish? Because it’s sea food.

What does a blind man and a PS4 have in common?

They both need to make sounds to be recognized.

Why is the blind man so close to the door?

He can't see it.

Why did the blind man cross the road?

Don't ask me, he can't even see where he's going.