Blind jokes
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
Q: How do you punish a blind person?
A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.
Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?
Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
What’s black and rings the doorbell?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.
What problems might a blind child run into?
A wall.
Yo mama so blind that when she played Fortnite, she got her vision back, got 'em!
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind, too.
If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
How do you piss off a color blind person?
Give them a Rubik's cube.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
What do blind people and an orphan have in common? Both can't see their parents.
A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"
I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.