Blind jokes
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
I gave a blind kid a hand grenade and told him it's a beyblade.
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
A blind man went to a restaurant.
"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"