I gave a blind kid a hand grenade and told him it's a beyblade.
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer? Helen Killer
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman? Getting her husband‘s voice just right
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied... I told him, "Just tell them what you see."
How do blind people know when to stop wiping? With a taste test
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
Damn Really stole my friend glasses well now their blind but not really their dead.
A blind man walks into a woman’s bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says before you tell your joke you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols, do you still want to tell that joke cowboy. He thought for a second and said not if I have to explain it five times.
Why is the German blind? Because he's a "not see".
If two blind people meet, one of them says: Long time, no see
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
A blind man went to a restaurant.
menu sir? asked the owner. I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order. The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man. The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables. Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
What do an emo girl and a blind girl have in common?
Black is their favourite colour
How does Hellen Keller meet men? She goes on blind dates.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?
“What in the world did I just read?”
