Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
What was King Tut's favorite coffee?
De-coffin-ated.
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Big tits.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
Q: What do you call a sad soda? A: Soda-pressing.
My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
Your at a buffet, you think your hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of your self, you get stuck looking at sides in the buffet, a roly poly gal you see in corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end, you go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slamed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she's is tenderizing you for dinner.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus,the bartender says "Don't you mean a Martini?"the Roman then says "Look,if I want a double I'll ask for one.
Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
