What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?
Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.
Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer.
You’re like a fine wine. The more of you I drink in, the better I feel.
What did the grape say when the fox stepped on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.
"What's she like?" he asked the boy.
"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
Blake drinks Coke.
A dwarf walks into a bar.
He asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him the 🥃, and it turns into a gallon of whiskey. The bartender sees this and takes it back, and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.
😫 😂 😑 🤔 😳 😬 😑 🙄
🥴 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺
🍸🍸 🍸🍸 🍸🍸 🍸 🍸 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴
🐴 🐴 🐴 🐴
Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? 🤪 😜
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"
And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.
Q: What’s a koala's favorite drink?
A: Coca Koala.
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
What is a cannibals favorite drink? Coffee
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
