Beverage jokes

I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.

What do you call a sad coffee?

Despesso.

What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.

What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.

What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

He sipped his coffee before it was cool.

What do dogs drink? Pupsi.

What soda do dogs drink? Pupsi.

I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.

Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?

They only come out for the boos.

What was King Tut's favorite coffee?

De-coffin-ated.

So if I drink alcohol, you're an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, I’m fantastic.

Question: Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Answer: Tequila

My hips can't move, but Heineken.

One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

I got hit with a can of soda.

It doesn't matter, it was a soft drink.

My mom walks in a bar and the bartender says "water?" saying "we only sell beer!"

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.

Q: What’s Homer Simpson’s least favorite style of beer?

A: Flanders Red Ale.

In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."