I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.
I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
Chuck Norris orders his coffee black, without water.
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
What's a ghost's favorite drink?
Ghoul-aid!
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
