Being jokes
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
Your hair and your hairline must be best friends, 'cause they go waaaaay back!
What is the difference between genders and the Twin Towers?
They used to be two, now it's a touchy subject.
What an upside to being an orphan!
There's things called family-size bags.
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
What do you call a shadow?
Tyrone, don’t be a coon!
Your forehead and your hairline must be friends, because they go way back!
What is the difference between the National Organization For Carpet Munchers and the National Organization For Women?
The National Organization For Women has more experience in being a carpet muncher because they eat more pussy.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."
We should stop being mean to orphans.
We should be cruel instead.
Why do orphans rob banks?
Because they want to be wanted.
The earth used to be flat until your mama was buried.
In Saudi Arabia, there lived a man named Abdul.
Abdul rhymes with Azul, the Spanish word for blue.
And he probably be lookin' more blue than me.
What do orphans' parents have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.
Guys, I know how to stop racism. Delete the word "racism." People can't be something that doesn't exist.
If LEO were a spice, she’d be flour... BLAND and FORGETTABLE!
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.