Being jokes

There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.

My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?

Fitting in.

What kind of experience does a feminist have?

Being a bitch.

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

Being sad is my only happiness.

Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.

Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....

How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just beat the room for being black.

Did you hear about the German girl being raped by 10 men? She shouted, "nein, nein," so one of them left.

I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

I apologize for my grammar.

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?

What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.

What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?

Trying to fit in.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.

Damn, I love being a sniper.