Being jokes
You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."
I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.
What’s the difference between a cow and 9/11?
A cow can’t be milked for 21 years.
Why did the African child wake up suddenly? Because he was being sexually abused.
Daveon be eating Quaker Oats.
Stop being disrespectful to all those people and their parents. Oh, I forgot, they don't have any parents.
Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.
Couldn't be me being an orphan.
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted.
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
Why do orphans never use other people's Wi-Fi?
So they can be connected.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.
Does anyone ever get tired of being random? Me neither.
Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”
Soldier says, “Mhm.”
Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”
Soldier says, “Really?”
The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"