Being jokes

I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

Why do orphans play GTA? So they can be wanted.

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.

Who's the fastest reader?

Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.

I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all.

I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”

If you were a food, what would you be?

Friend 1: "Pizza, cause I'm so cheesy."

Friend 2: "Chocolate chip cookie, cause I have lots of friends."

Me: "Donut, cause I'm so empty inside."

There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.

China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.

You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)

Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.