Being jokes

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?

That depressed kid in class: Dead.

I ought to complain to Spotify for you not being named this week’s hottest single.

A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

Please help me... I’m being held captive by Carl Wheezer.

The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.

I hate double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

What did the fish say to the other fish?

"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"

What is a difference between a tree, a tree house, that has to be the difference between a tree 🌲 from the tree house that has a difference in a tree tree house that is yuyi?

There is a twist with being an orphan: every bag of chips is family sized.

I did a good job of being home from school.

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.

(Only Ninjago fans understand XD)

If you look outside and it's really windy, it's really cloudy, and the sky looks greenish... you better run, 'cause it has to be Morro!

Orphan: I want to be like Batman.

Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.

They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they're not laughing now!

What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?

Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?

A: Cum on your cousin's face.

The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.

Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!