Being jokes

They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.

If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

9/11 is like genders.

There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

What's the difference between Palestine and yo mama?

Yo mama can be found on Google maps.

What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?

The school shooter will always spare you.

What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?

Fitting in.

What would a Down syndrome Ben 10 alien be called?

Chromostone.

Why can't orphans be criminals?

Because they're not wanted.

The earth used to be flat.

Till they buried yo mama.