Being jokes
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
What do British politics and transgender people have in common?
Both aren't what they used to be...
Blind people driving on the highway would be the world's biggest, and shortest game of bumper cars!
Why do orphans like robbing banks?
So they can be wanted.
One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.
The world has turned upside down. Orphans are now being homeschooled.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
Don’t be racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.
One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.
"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!