Being jokes

My wife complained about me being childish. So I told her to get out of my fort.

Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."

Why is Ronnie Anne in love with Lincoln? Because he has a fat nugen.

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

Yo mama so ugly that Mr. Rogers doesn’t wanna be her neighbor.

If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...

What's the one upside to being an orphan?

You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”

5 4 3 2 1. I love the huge bright sun. 5 4 3 2 1. My life has just begun. Though Akeld and Unkown, make me feel alone, they want be dead, and off with my head, and all I said was... NO FRICKIN' HATIN' IN THESE COMMENTS! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.

"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?

To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.

To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.

I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.

What did the icicle say to the snow?

"Why do you have to be so soft?"

Why was the dog staying in the shade?

Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!