Being jokes
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"
What are wheelchair users experts at?
Being lazy.
Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.
Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.
A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
Yo mama must be a giant, 'cause my Mini P.E.K.K.A. goes berserk on her!
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're never wanted.
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm the rest of his life.
You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
Why does Joe Biden like cold weather? Because he’s used to being in the teens.
There should be a "kick an orphan" day.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?