Being jokes
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”
Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”
Can't be bothered with jokes, me and Syd Drake f**k 24/7.
Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.
See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.
What is the weirdest thing to wear and what is the weirdest thing to say?
Weirdest thing to ware: Socks with sandals, also with flip flops!
Weirdest thing to say: "Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?" "The blue angel sea slug looks like an alien." (weird).
Bonus: Things to ware with other things: Crop top with t-shirt (really hip), Crop top with tights or shorts, dresses with tights! (Cool) Oh well byeeeeeee!
Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"
Hello everyone, have a great day and be positive!
Nancy be like, "Don't do drugs, do cock!"
How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
They both used to be straight.
Do orphans love doing crime?
'Cause they want to be wanted.
My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)
Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
Why is Mercury filled with Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium?
Mercury is Be-Au-Ti-Full!
Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.
Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
"Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan mosque." Damn, that's a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.
What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?