Snap Jokes

Sneakyjew

There are some sounds that everyone loves…

  • Shoes on gravel
  • Crackling of fire
  • The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you
  • Cats purring
Anonymous

What goes Snap Crackle and Pop? A neck

I_Is_Cow
in Little Johnny

Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.” Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is…” Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.” Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’"

2
Kikicito

Go commit Thanos finger snap.

Anonymous
in Sally

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Thanos snapped.

Anonymous

yo mama so fat it took Thanos 2 snaps

Anonymous
in Deez Nuts

Anybody know a girl named Candice? she just added me on snap

Anonymous

Whats black, white, and red all over? a penguin in a blender

Whats all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender

2
Anonymous
in Yo mama

yo mama so fat thanos had to snap twice

1
Morbid Al
in Death

SPOILER ALERT… I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T___ S____ snapped it away!

Anonymous
in Puns

What is thanos’s favorite video game? Pokèmon snap

Tanner Pomeranz
in Football

The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

Coach said to himself, “I got to have this guy. He’s got the best arm I’ve ever seen!”

He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

“Mother,” he yells over the phone, “We just won the Super Bowl!”

“Don’t talk to me,” the woman says. “You abandoned us. You can’t be my son.”

The young Iraqi begs, “Mom, you don’t understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!”

“I don’t care,” his mother snaps. “Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped.”

Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.

STAR
in Bad

What did thanos say when he snapped his finger - another one bites the dust

What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools

The Avengers

Your mom is so old she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.

books?

What’s the difference between a child and a book?

One doesn’t scream when you snap it’s neck.

Why can’t you play memory snap in the jungle?

Because there are too many cheetahs

Josh
in Jesus

Jesus and his friend went fishing they both cast the line out and both of them get a bite but Jesus’s friend misses and says “damn I missed” jesus said “that’s a bad sentence to say if you say it 3 time something bad will happen to you” they cast it out again and both get a bite and Jesus’s friend misses again and says “damn I missed” jesus replied “if you say that one more time something bad will happen” they cast out again and Jesus’s friends line snaps and he says “damn I missed” jesus said “that’s the last time something bad will happen” the biggest thunder storm ever seen appeared and a lightning bolt struck jesus and a voice came from the clouds “damn I missed”

Creeperzone0312

Why did half of the world not see Avengers: Endgame?

Cause half of them were Thanos snapped in Avengers: Infinity War.

Morbid Al
in Thanos

They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP…