Behavior jokes
My favorite species is a cheetah because
Ima cheet-ah on the test.
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.
If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
The boy was sexually frustrated that he couldn’t have sex with girls, so he fingered his female cat.
If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.
If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.
A guy walked into a bar.
A guy walked out of a bar.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
Don't make a person look a fool when you are the real one!
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
Gwen be like: Oh, I hate akeld, he is mean.
Also Gwen: *Spams the N word and momma jokes*
Me running from the table where the Emos sit with a Happy Meal.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)