Behavior jokes
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
A man walks into a bar... and he never walks out.
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
Memes
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To check in on his flat mate.
A: It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic!
B: Thank you.
A: People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
Is your tap water running well?
Beta, go catch it!
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
Why do lions always lose at poker?
Because they always play against cheetahs.
Be nice.
Why do men say funny things? Just to be silly!
How do you get a squirrel's attention? Act like a nut.
What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?
Sit down and shut up.
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.