Behavior jokes
I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"
She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"
I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"
If you're gay, then what the f*** are you doing trying to walk straight?
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.
In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.
One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post
If you're bored, pull a Technoblade, bully orphans.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
What goes in soft and comes out hard?
Gum, you whore!
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
I'm in school lol.
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
Random: What are your hobbies?
Me: Bullying kids in WhatsApp groups 💀
Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."
I be ready to commit suicide.
But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
I farted how bout u?
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
One word. Creeper.
Wanna know who can jump the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.