Behavior jokes
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
Why do crack heads like to do it doggy style?
So one can peep out window and one can peep on floor.
Why is it okay to bully an orphan?
It’s not like they could tell their parents.
Did you hear about that new emo pizza? It cuts itself!
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
What do autistic kids and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms.
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
What's the difference between a gamer and dog poop?
Dog poop touches grass.
My mom's name is Angel, and she is nothing like one!
Especially in bed...
Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?
My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.
Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?
"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.
A special quote: “No, Mackenzie! You're the savage beast!”
Yo mama so stupid, she ate the Apple phone you gave her.