Behavior jokes

A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."

He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."

He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."

He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

You're overreacting.

What were the clownfish doing behind the coral?

Unspeakable things.

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.

Me: I know why you don't have friends.

Kid: Why?

Me: Because you can't even figure that out.

Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Teacher: What is your name? Me: Written in the stars.

Teacher: Where? Me: A million miles away.

Teacher: What are you talking about? Me: A message to the main.

Teacher: You must change your behavior! Me: Seasons come and go, but I will never change.

Teacher: Go to the school principal NOW! Me: And I'm on my way.

Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.

If you make jokes about SH, you're not funny, and if you do, I'm gonna assume you're some 12-year-old who wants to be an edge lord. I don't really care if people get pressed.

What do you call a triggered white kid?

A school shooter!

I put a magnet in my butthole and made the teachers smell it.

I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...

Me:...

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.