Bed jokes

What is the definition of clapped?

Ur mum when I am in her bed.

I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.

Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.

It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!

If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”

There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."

Yo momma's so fat, she rolled out the bed, out the room, down the stairs, smashed through the window, rolled down the road, and got stuck in the Grand Canyon.

Dad: Honey!

Mom: What?

Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.

Mom: WHAT!?

Children: *staring*

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

"Prince, I'm ready to chat when you are. I'm in bed, so yeah, let's chat! Love you!"

Roses are red, violets are blue. Don't touch the beds, they are sticky with white goo.

Why do men get great ideas in bed?

'Cause they are plugged into a genius!