Bed jokes
Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents can't!
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
What is the definition of clapped?
Ur mum when I am in her bed.
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Don't touch the beds, they are sticky with white goo.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
Why do men get great ideas in bed?
'Cause they are plugged into a genius!
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.
Yo momma's so fat, she rolled out the bed, out the room, down the stairs, smashed through the window, rolled down the road, and got stuck in the Grand Canyon.
From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”
There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
Dad: Honey!
Mom: What?
Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.
Mom: WHAT!?
Children: *staring*
What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?
The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!
"Prince, I'm ready to chat when you are. I'm in bed, so yeah, let's chat! Love you!"
You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.