Bed jokes
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.
Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents can't!
Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
What is the definition of clapped?
Ur mum when I am in her bed.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
I woke up in my bed today.
Yo mama so ugly that she's the reason monsters hide under the beds.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.
Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.
Why do men get great ideas in bed?
'Cause they are plugged into a genius!
If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.
The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.