Bed jokes

I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.

It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!

I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.

Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To slide into your mom's bed.

What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?

It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Why do men get great ideas in bed?

'Cause they are plugged into a genius!

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!

If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.

Yo momma's so fat, she rolled out the bed, out the room, down the stairs, smashed through the window, rolled down the road, and got stuck in the Grand Canyon.

From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”

There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

Dad: Honey!

Mom: What?

Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.

Mom: WHAT!?

Children: *staring*

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

"Prince, I'm ready to chat when you are. I'm in bed, so yeah, let's chat! Love you!"

You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.

What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?

Roses are red, violets are blue. Don't touch the beds, they are sticky with white goo.