Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.
In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."
Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...
Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.
What is the definition of clapped?
Ur mum when I am in her bed.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents can't!
I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.
I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To slide into your moms bed
What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?
You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.
I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.
"Prince, I'm ready to chat when you are. I'm in bed, so yeah, let's chat! Love you!"
