Beat jokes
What did the rapper say to the broken vending machine?
"Yo, drop the BEAT!"
How does a rapper pay for his groceries?
With a SICK FLOW of cash!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because they love serving up HOT BEATS!
My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"
Your nan's gay.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because they could always count on their beats!
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
No one will fight me, who is brave and strong enough to beat this beta simp femboy?
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I’m sorry you look like my old beat up shoe.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
Without Ronaldo, United would have been: - Eliminated from the UCL in groups! - 13th in the league!
Without Messi, PSG would have been: - Still 1st in the league. - Better chance at beating RM in the UCL.
Who's supposed to be the goat?
Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.
Look, an orphan, let's go beat 'em up.
Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?
A: Beat it, we're closed.
What's the difference between depression and a girl?
XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said, "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today, so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever, and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations, and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode, and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.