Beat jokes

What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do when nobody's home?

Beat it.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."

What can change color and get beat up?

You.

Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?

Because it never runs out of juice.

So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.

Why does the heart listen to music a lot?

Because it loves feeling the beat.

What did the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

"Beat it. We're closed."

What do you call it when a white person beats a black person?

A KKKO.

My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?

“A sped runner.”

Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?

A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏

What is the difference between a broom and a mop?

It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.

Just remembering the day when the Jets beat the New York Giants.

Why did the chief go to jail?

Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!

I beat up a deaf kid the other day. I had to. He kept throwing up gang signs.