My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
Beat Jokes
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.
I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
Why does the heart listen to music a lot?
Because it loves feeling the beat.
What did the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We're closed."
What do you call it when a white person beats a black person?
A KKKO.
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
I beat up a deaf kid the other day. I had to. He kept throwing up gang signs.
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
Just remembering the day when the Jets beat the New York Giants.
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...
"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"
I suppose that was a fair compromise!
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
Why do orphans have no bruises?
Because they have no dad to beat them.
