Beat

Beat jokes

Police

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

Police: ... Child: 😊

Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.

The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.

Cancer

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

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  • Orphan

    Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??

    Trump

    Why didn't Trump beat Biden?

    Because he couldn't trump that bitch!

    Game

    Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?

    Cheetah

    What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?

    You can't beat a cheetah!

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  • Stepdad

    What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?

    My stepdad beat my ass before he left.

    Covid19

    Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...

    Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...

    Guy

    I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.

    It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

    Song

    What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?

    Beat It.

    Vampire

    Me: *stabs vampire*

    Wife: omg

    Me: *beats vampire to death*

    Wife: OMG

    Me: What?

    Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!

    Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?

    Dick

    A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

    Grandma

    My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?